reasons to let me cuddle you:
- I will stick my cold hands all over your body
- I’ll probably fall asleep on you and make cute sleep noises
- I can lay there long enough for the second coming of christ
- I will be smiling the whole time
- you’re warm and I’m not
- let me leech your heat
Today my history professor, a rumpled, pot-bellied guy in his mid thirties, walked into class looking all excited, which made the rest of us nervous, because he’s known for pop quizzes. He took a deep breath and said, “I have been waiting for this moment my entire teaching career. So please, pull out your textbooks and…” in a British accent, glowering at us all ferociously, “TURN TO PAGE THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FOUR.”
We. All. DIED.
I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS.
•go to the bathroom to escape
•feel very uncomfortable without a phone or some other crutch
•dwell on a small awkward moment for much longer than necessary
•never go to any social event without a person that makes you feel comfortable
•follow said person way too much
•worry about the person beginning to find you obnoxious
•faking an illness to get out of a social event
•Don’t buy something necessary because the cashier is intimidating.